How to Choose an Egg or Sperm Donor (and Why It Can Feel So Overwhelming)
If you are pursuing fertility treatment with donor eggs or donor sperm, it can be overwhelming to know where to start. Many individuals and couples navigating donor conception describe the process of choosing a donor as one of the most emotionally complex parts of their fertility journey.
Choosing an egg or sperm donor is an important step in fertility treatment and third-party reproduction, and it can bring up both practical and emotional questions.
Swiping through sperm or egg databases can feel like online dating—but instead of a date, you’re searching for half of your child’s DNA. The stakes can feel incredibly high, and it’s completely normal to feel pressure to “get it right.”
Although each patient will prioritize different characteristics in their search, there are some common qualities people consider when selecting a donor.
Criteria to Consider When Choosing a Donor
The donor’s physical characteristics
The donor’s health history and their family health history
The age of the donor
The donor’s personality, interests, or education
The donor’s recessive gene screening
Whether the donor has proven fertility
Are they open ID disclosure at 18? (the child has the choice to connect with them at 18 years of age)
The donor’s reasons for donating
These are just some of the qualities that patients consider when selecting their donor. For some, certain factors will feel especially important, while for others, different aspects may stand out.
The Emotional Side of Donor Conception
Beyond the checklist of characteristics, choosing an egg or sperm donor often brings up deeper emotional questions.
You may find yourself wondering:
What will my connection to my child feel like?
How will I talk to my child about their conception story?
Am I grieving the loss of a genetic connection?
Am I making the “right” decision?
These thoughts and feelings are incredibly common in donor conception journeys. It’s not just a medical decision—it’s an emotional one, too.
Support Through the Donor Conception Process
If you are pursuing third party reproduction treatment, support can be helpful as you navigate both the practical and emotional aspects of choosing a donor.
I’m Leeya Schachter, a counsellor specializing in fertility treatment and donor conception. I support individuals and couples navigating infertility, IVF, and third-party reproduction, and I am an approved provider for the mandatory donor conception session with fertility clinics in British Columbia.
If you are in the process of choosing a donor and feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to navigate this alone.