Online Support Groups – A Lifeline for Those Facing Fertility Challenges

The Costs of Fertility Struggles

Are you having difficulties getting pregnant or staying pregnant? I’ve been there and I get it. The stress that infertility and miscarriage can put on a person and a relationship can feel all-encompassing. Some studies how shown that the toll that fertility struggles can take on a person’s mental health are similar to someone going through cancer treatment. This makes sense as infertility is also a disease. Many of my clients report feeling worried, defeated, envious, sad, devastated, angry, and alone when they are going through infertility or a miscarriage. Further, the “games” of tracking cycles, symptom spotting and peeing on sticks is something that can be extra difficult for women as their partners don’t go through these practices with them. Have you ever felt frustrated that you once again found yourself stuck on google all evening wondering and searching for answers whether your sore breasts were from PMS or early pregnancy? How many boxes of pregnancy tests or ovulation test kits have you purchased and peed on? When experiencing infertility, it’s not uncommon for women to feel resentful towards their partners sometimes. They may feel that it is unfair that their partner’s routines have stayed nearly the same whereas theirs has changed so drastically with all of the tracking necessary. Anyone who has experienced infertility or pregnancy loss knows that there can be immense costs (emotional, physical, and financial) with trying to have a baby.

Isolation and Infertility

Do you know of anyone else going through fertility challenges or pregnancy loss? If so, are you comfortable talking to them about it? Some people are fortunate to have connections who understand what they are going through in their trying to conceive struggles and are willing to talk about it. For others, they may not know anyone who personally understands infertility or miscarriage, or if they do, they may not feel comfortable sharing with them. This can make them feel alone and wondering what is wrong with them. When I was going through my own infertility and fertility treatment, I didn’t know anyone else who had been in my shoes. In fact, many of my friends were “fertile myrtles” and they seemed to get pregnant from their partners just looking at them! Although it was no one’s fault, this left me feeling like an outsider with my friends who just couldn’t personally relate to what I was going through. I was often surrounded by people, but I consistently felt alone.

What Can We Do to Manage Infertility Stress?

It can be hard to know what to do to combat these challenging feelings that often come along with infertility and pregnancy loss. For some, keeping busy at work or socially is helpful. For others, they focus their energy on self-care strategies like yoga, or massage, seeing a fertility naturopath, or doing fertility acupuncture. Some people find it helpful to speak individually with a fertility counsellor (fertility RCC) who specializes in infertility and pregnancy loss. For me, it was a fertility support group that changed the whole trajectory of my fertility journey. Joining a support group focused on infertility lifted a weight I was feeling that I wasn’t even fully aware of. Instead of feeling like the “different” one in my social circle who couldn’t get pregnant, I felt connected and like I belonged.

Why Join A Fertility Support Group?

I get it. Talking about not being able to get pregnant or going through pregnancy loss is difficult. It involves vulnerability and it can feel like you’re exposing a wound that you may be working so hard to protect. Yet, seeking infertility support from others who understand your struggles can really be a game-changer on this tough journey. A Fertility Support group offers a safe space for participants to be honest about how they really are. Let’s discuss some of the benefits that can come from attending a Fertility Support Group.

• A Reminder That You Are Not Alone

It’s very hard to feel like the only one going through a challenging experience. As human beings, it is in our nature to want to feel a sense of belonging and connect with others. Infertility and pregnancy loss can make us feel alone and lead us to cancel plans and go inward more, which only serves to further exacerbate our feelings of isolation. Attending a support group with others who truly understand what you are going through can help us feel connected and reduce these feelings of loneliness. Sharing your experiences of infertility with people who understand can feel incredibly validating and comforting.

• Giving and Receiving Emotional Support

Connecting with someone else who understands the emotional gut punch you feel when you hear yet another pregnancy announcement is an underrated gift. Hearing that other people also feel resentful of their partner sometimes or jealous when they see another pregnant person can help reduce the critical thoughts we often have about our own emotions. It shows that we aren’t the only ones feeling this way and that there is nothing wrong with us even though we have these uncomfortable feelings. Further, being able to use your experiences of infertility or pregnancy loss to help validate and support someone else also going through it can help provide purpose and can sometimes even be a welcome distraction from the details of one’s own fertility journey.

• Sharing of Knowledge

When you connect with others in a Fertility Support Group, you can exchange stories and experiences. Others might have faced similar medical procedures, doctors, or treatments and can offer valuable insights. This sharing of knowledge can empower you to make informed decisions about your fertility journey.

• Developing Coping Strategies

A Fertility Support Group that is facilitated by an Infertility Counsellor provides the opportunity to learn coping strategies to help manage the challenges of infertility and pregnancy loss. Participants can share with one another what has worked in terms of communicating with family and medical professionals, setting boundaries with others, and coping with the anxiety of all of the unknowns. As a Registered Clinical Counsellor with personal experience of coping with infertility and fertility treatment, I share evidence-based strategies to help participants reduce the anxiety and stress they are feeling while they are trying to conceive.

• Reducing Stigma

There is often a stigma associated with infertility and pregnancy loss. Finding an online fertility support group can help reduce this stigma as you share your experiences and realize that many others are also dealing with these challenges.

• Building Connections

Support groups can lead to lasting friendships. Sharing your journey with others can create a deep bond, and these relationships can be a source of strength, understanding, and encouragement. During the support group sessions, participants are encouraged to respond to and share ideas with one another and continue conversations with other participants following the session. By participating in this community, you will have the opportunity to create connections and build relationships with others who understand what it’s like to struggle to become pregnant or stay pregnant. Previous support group participants have shared that the connections they made in a support session have been maintained far past the conclusion of the group.

• A Safe Space to Grieve

Infertility and pregnancy loss both can involve immense grief. Participants may be grieving a miscarriage, they may be processing the loss of control over their family planning, or experiencing grief over their bodies not being able to get pregnant or stay pregnant. A support group offers a safe and understanding environment to grieve these losses and provides the opportunity to begin naming and processing these emotions.

Finding a support group while struggling to conceive or going through pregnancy loss can provide long-lasting benefits. The friends I made through infertility and pregnancy loss support groups during my fertility treatment are now some of the most significant women in my life. There is no substitute for having people who you don’t need to explain things to but who just get it automatically. Struggling to conceive is experience that few people expect to go through and it can be devastating. As they say though, infertility is a club that no one wants to be a part of, but one that has some of the most incredible humans as members. So join our Fertility Support Group to meet some of these other incredible humans.

I am now offering a monthly Fertility Support Group through Luna Health Clinic. These sessions are virtual and open to women across British Columbia who are struggling to conceive, have experienced a miscarriage or pregnancy loss, or are undergoing fertility treatment. Click here for more information or to register.